An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 18

Regular paragraphs are the verses as written in the Bible.
Indented italicized paragraphs feature my comments on the previous paragraph.
Note that I might appear especially nitpicky and I know that some of these verses are not taken literally by everybody; I'm just having some fun basically.
Why the New International Version or NIV? Why not? The Bible has already been translated countless times before and I can't read or speak the original languages in which it was written, which is why it is stupid in the first place to assume that a divine being would communicate with us through a book.

New International Version

Exodus 18

Jethro Visits Moses

¹ Now Jethro, the priest of Midian and father-in-law of Moses, heard of everything God had done for Moses and for his people Israel, and how the LORD had brought Israel out of Egypt.

So we've really dropped the idea that Reuel was the priest of Midian and Moses' father-in-law, but yeah, I guess the whole thing about Pharaoh and his men drowning by magic is the kind of thing that picks your curiosity.

² After Moses had sent away his wife Zipporah, his father-in-law Jethro received her ³ and her two sons. One son was named Gershom, ^[a] for Moses said, "I have become an alien in a foreign land"; ⁴ and the other was named Eliezer, ^[b] for he said, "My father's God was my helper; he saved me from the sword of Pharaoh."

This is not going to be one of those long passages about the many descendants of Moses is it?

⁵ Jethro, Moses' father-in-law, together with Moses' sons and wife, came to him in the desert, where he was camped near the mountain of God. ⁶ Jethro had sent word to him, "I, your father-in-law Jethro, am coming to you with your wife and her two sons."

Quick Moses, run away so that you won't have to pay anything to your family!

⁷ So Moses went out to meet his father-in-law and bowed down and kissed him. They greeted each other and then went into the tent. ⁸ Moses told his father-in-law about everything the LORD had done to Pharaoh and the Egyptians for Israel's sake and about all the hardships they had met along the way and how the LORD had saved them.

Kind of like how Jehovah's Witnesses knock on my door to tell me "the good news". Except that I guess Moses could give him some kind of proof of what he said.

⁹ Jethro was delighted to hear about all the good things the LORD had done for Israel in rescuing them from the hand of the Egyptians. ¹⁰ He said, "Praise be to the LORD, who rescued you from the hand of the Egyptians and of Pharaoh, and who rescued the people from the hand of the Egyptians. ¹¹ Now I know that the LORD is greater than all other gods, for he did this to those who had treated Israel arrogantly." ¹² Then Jethro, Moses' father-in-law, brought a burnt offering and other sacrifices to God, and Aaron came with all the elders of Israel to eat bread with Moses' father-in-law in the presence of God.

"Now I know that the LORD is greater than all other gods, for he did this to those who had treated Israel arrogantly.": more evidence that the Bible is written as if there were more than one God. Now if God was loving and caring, I repeat that there would be no evil from the start instead of having to punish people.

¹³ The next day Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening. ¹⁴ When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, "What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning till evening?"

That's a good question I guess.

¹⁵ Moses answered him, "Because the people come to me to seek God's will. ¹⁶ Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God's decrees and laws."

Yeah let's live in a theocracy! NO!!! Even when you consult a priest to settle your matters you're not doing the best thing you could. Priests will just give you stock answers, while you could think about your problems on your own (using your brain) or talk about it to a trusted friend or parent (using their brains).

¹⁷ Moses' father-in-law replied, "What you are doing is not good. ¹⁸ You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. ¹⁹ Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people's representative before God and bring their disputes to him. ²⁰ Teach them the decrees and laws, and show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform. ²¹ But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. ²² Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. ²³ If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied."

I would have so many comments to make, but I'll keep the most important. Why doesn't God himself make sure all his laws are kept? He could also be the one who punishes bad people so that justice is truly served always (humans are not omnipresent and don't know everything). Most importantly, why doesn't God put the knowledge of these laws directly in our minds from birth? We could still choose to do right and wrong (which I thought was the purpose of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil).

²⁴ Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything he said. ²⁵ He chose capable men from all Israel and made them leaders of the people, officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. ²⁶ They served as judges for the people at all times. The difficult cases they brought to Moses, but the simple ones they decided themselves.

What I mean is, even Moses could be wrong about some stuff. Only God should judge over the people, since he's the most capable and there should be no limits to his power (except for always needing to rest on the seventh day) so that should be part of his job.

²⁷ Then Moses sent his father-in-law on his way, and Jethro returned to his own country.

Glad to hear such good news about Moses' wife and sons... Wait we didn't hear anything about them did we?

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 18:3 Gershom sounds like the Hebrew for an alien there .
b. Exodus 18:4 Eliezer means my God is helper .