An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Genesis 6

Regular paragraphs are the verses as written in the Bible.
Indented italicized paragraphs feature my comments on the previous paragraph.
Note that I might appear especially nitpicky and I know that some of these verses are not taken literally by everybody; I'm just having some fun basically.
Why the New International Version or NIV? Why not? The Bible has already been translated countless times before and I can't read or speak the original languages in which it was written, which is why it is stupid in the first place to assume that a divine being would communicate with us through a book.

New International Version

Genesis 6

The Flood

¹ When men began to increase in number on the earth and daughters were born to them, ² the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose. ³ Then the LORD said, "My Spirit will not contend with ^[a] man forever, for he is mortal ^[b] ; his days will be a hundred and twenty years."

So are the sons of God men? Anyway, they seem like quite the bastards taking any woman they want. Why are we talking about the sons of God and the daughters of men? God created man and woman! This is probably written by a man, don't you think? "Then the LORD said, "My Spirit will not contend with man forever, for he is mortal ; his days will be a hundred and twenty years."": so it would seem we're talking about the same type of years (because 120 years is possible for some humans right now) meaning that the incredible huge numbers in the previous chapter were meant to be taken literally. Damn is all I can say! But what about the fact that living 120 years old is really really rare? We usually live 40+ years less than that and it's actually better than in the last century for example. Also, what about the few people who lived a little bit past 120 years old? I guess God's limit is not a solid limit (which he could have made since, you know, he's God). I'm sure that if humans don't destroy themselves before that, they'll find a way to live even longer than that with time. (Update: I've been made aware that people think these 120 years are talking about when the flood will occur and not people's lifespan. In my opinion, that's some severe case of reinterpretation to make the book have sense since it's supposed to make sense if you believe it to be true in the first place. I know it also depends on the translation of the book you're reading, but this one is clear about humans being mortals that can't live off of God's spirit forever. It says nothing about when God says that and nothing to indicate that it is the flood that will occur in 120 years, even if it's in the same chapter.)

⁴ The Nephilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterward—when the sons of God went to the daughters of men and had children by them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown.

I'm already wondering who these sons of God are and now we're introducing the Nephilim, a word which just looks like nothing I know. It's funny how the Bible likes to introduce things like that without explaining anything. Reading the Bible doesn't bring you answers.

⁵ The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. ⁶ The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain. ⁷ So the LORD said, "I will wipe mankind, whom I have created, from the face of the earth—men and animals, and creatures that move along the ground, and birds of the air—for I am grieved that I have made them." ⁸ But Noah found favor in the eyes of the LORD.

You've got to wonder how God could mess up so bad in his creations. It just seems like this paragraph doesn't speak of a God who knows everything. I just don't believe that a man can be entirely 100% completely pure evil. There are quite evil men, serial killers and the likes, but even they must have some good thoughts from time to time or at least think they're working for the greater good in a messed up way as seen from our standard perspective. They're just more evil than good and probably deserve to be removed from society as we do when we put them in prison, but the Bible speaks in black and white. One last note, God seems to be angry with men, why destroy every bit of his creation? Should I kill the mother of a serial killer or his neighbor's dog to make a more appropriate analogy?

⁹ This is the account of Noah.
Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked with God. ¹⁰ Noah had three sons: Shem, Ham and Japheth.

See what I told you, the Bible speaks in black and white. Men are completely evil beyond repair; Noah is completely good beyond corruption (although I'm pretty sure most theists agree on the Bible saying that there are not just men). Hard to believe that just about everybody is completely bad in the society Noah lives in, yet he became a great man. I guess his sons and his wife and his sons' wives are good too, but that's another case of the Bible not being precise enough when it needs to be.

¹¹ Now the earth was corrupt in God's sight and was full of violence. ¹² God saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways. ¹³ So God said to Noah, "I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth. ¹⁴ So make yourself an ark of cypress ^[c] wood; make rooms in it and coat it with pitch inside and out. ¹⁵ This is how you are to build it: The ark is to be 450 feet long, 75 feet wide and 45 feet high. ^{[d] 16} Make a roof for it and finish ^[e] the ark to within 18 inches ^[f] of the top. Put a door in the side of the ark and make lower, middle and upper decks. ¹⁷ I am going to bring floodwaters on the earth to destroy all life under the heavens, every creature that has the breath of life in it. Everything on earth will perish. ¹⁸ But I will establish my covenant with you, and you will enter the ark—you and your sons and your wife and your sons' wives with you. ¹⁹ You are to bring into the ark two of all living creatures, male and female, to keep them alive with you. ²⁰ Two of every kind of bird, of every kind of animal and of every kind of creature that moves along the ground will come to you to be kept alive. ²¹ You are to take every kind of food that is to be eaten and store it away as food for you and for them."

"God saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways.": in what way? And I don't know about you, but when I was a kid, all I could think of was playing and having fun with friends, nothing evil with that. There were probably children among those people too or did people live long enough that they could wait before procreating? It just seems like the flood is an incredibly overcomplicated way to do what God wants to do when he could just do anything else, because he's God and he can do everything, can't he? (I know I'm asking lots of questions in these things!) The task God is presenting to Noah is quite simply put impossible. No one has ever built a wooden ship that big and even then, when they're so big they tend to require lots of support and break more easily. Also there are so many species on this earth (now that we know a lot more about our world than in the time of the Bible) that they wouldn't fit in this ark, even if it's quite big. We also have to assume that the animals won't die, won't hurt each other, will be fertile, will be compatible. Just try differentiating between a male and a female for most animals; it's quite hard if you're not a biologist or some kind of expert. Did Noah even save ants, cockroaches and spiders? We've not even thought yet about the various types of foods needed just because each animal has a particular diet, herbivores, carnivores, omnivores, etc.. (Why is the Bible speaking about birds in a different way than animals? Birds are animals! Flying animals, but still animals... How could Noah catch birds?) What about the damage done to nature and the earth if there was a flood covering all of it, assuming it might go as high as Mount Everest if it is to cover everything? (Man, that's really a LOT of water!) After all, God said something about destroying the earth too, which isn't good for Noah's sake if you know what I mean. Noah surely didn't bring every kind of plants and trees on his ark, did he? How come we have all these specimens of various plants across the world, including those living in deserts? I should've stopped even earlier just at the realization that Noah couldn't possibly collect every living thing on earth in a lifetime since all species don't even live on the same continent as he did. I just have lots of problems with this passage of the Bible, especially knowing that grown men believe that this is entirely true. But at least I'll say that, my problems with this are purely on a logical level, not on a moral level assuming that the Bible tells the truth about those men being completely the most evil bastards there ever were. I can't say that about other parts of the Bible which even seem to condone rape, in a messed up way.

²² Noah did everything just as God commanded him.

Of course he did, he's God's bitch! No questions asked? Not even compassion for his people no matter how evil they are? He could at least complain about having to do all this work at his very advanced age while the only thing God has to do is magic to solve the whole situation (make an ark appear or make evil people vanish with a thought without the need for a flood).

Footnotes:

a. Genesis 6:3 Or My spirit will not remain in
b. Genesis 6:3 Or corrupt
c. Genesis 6:14 The meaning of the Hebrew for this word is uncertain.
d. Genesis 6:15 Hebrew 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide and 30 cubits high (about 140 meters long, 23 meters wide and 13.5 meters high)
e. Genesis 6:16 Or Make an opening for light by finishing
f. Genesis 6:16 Hebrew a cubit (about 0.5 meter)