The World with No God: August 2010

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 20

That was when he spoke. Now only people with mental illness can hear him for some strange reason.

² "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

Well, they should know by now. Not to say they aren't whiny bitches, but I think they know.

³ "You shall have no other gods before ^[a] me.

Well, seeing as you're supposedly the only God, I don't know how one could do that. Unless...

⁴ "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. ⁵ You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, ⁶ but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.

"You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.": that's quite vague actually. Does that mean that patriotism is bad (you know with the flag and all)? Crosses are idols, aren't they? And why so vague seriously; because if I make myself a sculpture of a dolphin and I really like it, am I doing something bad (remember "or in the waters below")? "[...] for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me [...]": first of all, don't people hate jealousy, including Christians? What kind of a perfect God would suffer from jealousy? Why would he punish people just because he's jealous; isn't that evil? What's most evil is where he says that he will punish you for the sins of the fathers, that doesn't make any sense. All I'm saying is that people would hate people who behave like God in this matter, so why don't they hate God?

⁷ "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

Goddamn! Jesus Christ! Oh LORD! You're quite the irrational bastard man. Why punish people for taking your name in vain (the more popular form of the verse)? Who would punish someone for using their name in a bad way? (Well, a dictator would, it happened in the past, but those are considered bad people now, aren't they?)

⁸ "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. ⁹ Six days you shall labor and do all your work, ¹⁰ but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. ¹¹ For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

Remember, I'm not against taking a day off (by the way, God is pretty clear here that the days of creation are the same as our days of the week, just saying), but it's not fun when it's a commandment. Now, I wonder why just because poor lordy had to rest (for he is weak) he'd force every single one of his followers to rest too (even their animals, which seems insane to me).

¹² "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

So does that mean that if my parents are abusive monsters who hate me (which of course mine aren't) I have to respect them? And if I don't, I'm disobeying the LORD himself and if I take this verse literally, it seems I'll die young.

¹³ "You shall not murder.

Now we have the first commandment which is actually used as law even in secular societies (suck it people who think their society and their laws are all following the Ten Commandments). The reason is simple, nobody needs the Bible to see that murder is wrong (and a commandment or law won't stop someone, even a Christian, from committing murder anyway; I wanted to point that out). In fact, long before this commandment was written (about 1000 to 1500 years B.C.), there was the Code of Hammurabi with its 282 laws (written about 1800 B.C.), some of which were good and others bad (and the claim was that an Egyptian God spoke to Hammurabi, not the LORD, and there were laws before that even), and while it doesn't state the punition for murder, it often points to causing death being recognized as a bad thing deserving punitions such as the death penalty. But saying a one line commandment like that is not enough, because there are situations where murder seems like the good thing to do (I'll guess that Moses had his reasons for killing an Egyptian), such as self-defense (which is not covered here).

¹⁴ "You shall not commit adultery.

Oh come on, please. Now I have a couple of things to say. First of all, there are no laws to punish that in the United States and Canada, for example, though it might be pointed in a divorce case. Secondly, the Bible also says that divorce itself is adultery. Thirdly some churches consider all sex outside of marriage adultery. Finally Jesus himself said that looking at someone else lustfully is adultery, at least in the heart. So most people break this commandment at one point or another. Once again though, I don't need the Bible to see that adultery, the one where you're with someone and cheat on them (not the other forms of looking lustfully or sex outside of marriage), can be bad. If I don't love my partner anymore, the best thing to do is to tell them. If I love my partner, committing adultery is rationally bad, because if they find out their heart will be broken and things might never be the same, not because the LORD said so, but because I betrayed my partner. If my partner is OK with it, then it's not a bad thing (I'm talking about open couples where each partner can do his thing on his own once in a while).

¹⁵ "You shall not steal.

Stealing was also prohibited in the Code of Hammurabi by the way. Once again I can find situations where stealing might be your best option (even if it's never a good thing). And once again, I can find a secular reason why stealing is bad, which is why this is actually ONE OF THE FEW commandments which is a law in secular societies. And it's not a law because of the commandment, but because people have come out with reasons for it.

¹⁶ "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

Not that it's the first commandment that God and his people break, but remember when the Hebrew women lied to Pharaoh to protect the male babies of their people? And prophets always lie about something in this book, so we're not to take that one too seriously I guess.

¹⁷ "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Now that we're speaking about slaves, how about: "You shall not own your fellow men." That would be a good commandment, wouldn't it? As for speaking about the current commandment, well it's thought crime and not something anyone should be punished for. If I'm jealous (like God) of something that my neighbor owns, it could be bad, like I could get the thought of stealing it, but it could also be good, after all we only work towards greater goods because we have the ambitions of having more. Where would society be if no one ever wanted anything?

¹⁸ When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance ¹⁹ and said to Moses, "Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die."

Hmm, okay? That's strange. Is Moses some kind of superhuman or something?

²⁰ Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning."

Men who fear God aren't afraid of sinning at all most of the time. They will do their crime if they're convinced of doing it, only after will they regret it (and then with Jesus it gets worse, because you can be forgiven).

²¹ The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.

Man, I'm really beginning to think more and more that this Moses guy is actually a liar. After all, he's not covering it up too well; he's always hidden while talking to God, which the people fear. So he could be making stuff up. Combine that with the fact that he apparently wrote Genesis and other books of the Old Testament and you have something powerful, written by a man who wanted to push his own personal convictions on everybody by inventing this LORD character that he knew people would fear. I'm not saying this is absolutely the case, but that's a possibility you have to take in consideration, isn't it? (After all, since we don't have to take the LORD's existence in consideration, he does not exist, let's at least find something else to think about that could explain how and why this book was written.)

Idols and Altars

²² Then the LORD said to Moses, "Tell the Israelites this: 'You have seen for yourselves that I have spoken to you from heaven: ²³ Do not make any gods to be alongside me; do not make for yourselves gods of silver or gods of gold.

Those are two of the commandments anyway.

²⁴ " 'Make an altar of earth for me and sacrifice on it your burnt offerings and fellowship offerings, ^[b] your sheep and goats and your cattle. Wherever I cause my name to be honored, I will come to you and bless you. ²⁵ If you make an altar of stones for me, do not build it with dressed stones, for you will defile it if you use a tool on it. ²⁶ And do not go up to my altar on steps, lest your nakedness be exposed on it.'

Once again demanding sacrifice and everything. I still wonder what kind of God he is.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 20:3 Or besides
b. Exodus 20:24 Traditionally peace offerings

Monday, August 16, 2010

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 19

So is that 40 years to get to Canaan and 3 months to get to Sinai. What am I to understand here?

³ Then Moses went up to God, and the LORD called to him from the mountain and said, "This is what you are to say to the house of Jacob and what you are to tell the people of Israel: ⁴ 'You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, and how I carried you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself. ⁵ Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, ⁶ you ^[a] will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.' These are the words you are to speak to the Israelites."

Once again, why isn't God communicating with his people directly (he CAN)? "Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession.": I think from what I've read of the Bible so far, it's been pretty clear on this god's exclusivity with the Hebrews. I expect this to change with Christianism in the New Testament probably, but still this enforces the belief that there were supposed to be individual gods for other nations.

⁷ So Moses went back and summoned the elders of the people and set before them all the words the LORD had commanded him to speak. ⁸ The people all responded together, "We will do everything the LORD has said." So Moses brought their answer back to the LORD.

I don't know why they wouldn't be sold on the idea after all they've seen of God so far. He's been doing miracles left and right, killing tons of people.

⁹ The LORD said to Moses, "I am going to come to you in a dense cloud, so that the people will hear me speaking with you and will always put their trust in you." Then Moses told the LORD what the people had said.

Finally!

¹⁰ And the LORD said to Moses, "Go to the people and consecrate them today and tomorrow. Have them wash their clothes ¹¹ and be ready by the third day, because on that day the LORD will come down on Mount Sinai in the sight of all the people. ¹² Put limits for the people around the mountain and tell them, 'Be careful that you do not go up the mountain or touch the foot of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death. ¹³ He shall surely be stoned or shot with arrows; not a hand is to be laid on him. Whether man or animal, he shall not be permitted to live.' Only when the ram's horn sounds a long blast may they go up to the mountain."

Why? (Though if Moses is not really speaking with a real God and instead doing some magic trick, he wouldn't want the people to go there and discover that he is a false prophet.) "Whether man or animal, he shall not be permitted to live.": oh come one! Man I could understand even if I don't respect the idea of killing someone for such random laws, but animals don't know our rules. They go where they want and you can't reason them.

¹⁴ After Moses had gone down the mountain to the people, he consecrated them, and they washed their clothes. ¹⁵ Then he said to the people, "Prepare yourselves for the third day. Abstain from sexual relations."

Hmm, okay? (The Bible often treats sexual relations separately as if it was some kind of magic thing while we all know it's pretty natural.)

¹⁶ On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning, with a thick cloud over the mountain, and a very loud trumpet blast. Everyone in the camp trembled. ¹⁷ Then Moses led the people out of the camp to meet with God, and they stood at the foot of the mountain. ¹⁸ Mount Sinai was covered with smoke, because the LORD descended on it in fire. The smoke billowed up from it like smoke from a furnace, the whole mountain ^[b] trembled violently, ¹⁹ and the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder. Then Moses spoke and the voice of God answered him. ^[c]

Sounds like a volcano to me. (I don't think God IS a volcano and people have been wrong all this time, but I do think people attributed the name God to several natural things through the years and exaggerated their claims to make them more supernatural. A volcano would be one of those natural things.)

²⁰ The LORD descended to the top of Mount Sinai and called Moses to the top of the mountain. So Moses went up ²¹ and the LORD said to him, "Go down and warn the people so they do not force their way through to see the LORD and many of them perish. ²² Even the priests, who approach the LORD, must consecrate themselves, or the LORD will break out against them."

Of course, people could not go up the mountain if it really was a volcano, but something that comes up once again is how Moses always finds a trick to be God's only good guy. Almost as if he was telling lies in fact and there was no God speaking to him.

²³ Moses said to the LORD, "The people cannot come up Mount Sinai, because you yourself warned us, 'Put limits around the mountain and set it apart as holy.' "

Of course, telling his people that he tried to argue with the LORD makes the lie more believable...

²⁴ The LORD replied, "Go down and bring Aaron up with you. But the priests and the people must not force their way through to come up to the LORD, or he will break out against them."

Aaron is obviously in on the whole thing. OK, I don't know if Moses is really lying, I'm just pointing out that the way this shit is written it would be possible.

²⁵ So Moses went down to the people and told them.

Not God, Moses. I can believe in a human that invented all this and that would actually go down to tell to his people that God spoke with him. In fact, I must believe that someone at some point wrote this book. What I can't believe is that the character of God really exists. At least not this god, given all the contradictions, lack of evidence and evidence to the contrary.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 19:6 Or possession, for the whole earth is mine. 6 You
b. Exodus 19:18 Most Hebrew manuscripts; a few Hebrew manuscripts and Septuagint all the people
c. Exodus 19:19 Or and God answered him with thunder

Sunday, August 15, 2010

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 18

So we've really dropped the idea that Reuel was the priest of Midian and Moses' father-in-law, but yeah, I guess the whole thing about Pharaoh and his men drowning by magic is the kind of thing that picks your curiosity.

² After Moses had sent away his wife Zipporah, his father-in-law Jethro received her ³ and her two sons. One son was named Gershom, ^[a] for Moses said, "I have become an alien in a foreign land"; ⁴ and the other was named Eliezer, ^[b] for he said, "My father's God was my helper; he saved me from the sword of Pharaoh."

This is not going to be one of those long passages about the many descendants of Moses is it?

⁵ Jethro, Moses' father-in-law, together with Moses' sons and wife, came to him in the desert, where he was camped near the mountain of God. ⁶ Jethro had sent word to him, "I, your father-in-law Jethro, am coming to you with your wife and her two sons."

Quick Moses, run away so that you won't have to pay anything to your family!

⁷ So Moses went out to meet his father-in-law and bowed down and kissed him. They greeted each other and then went into the tent. ⁸ Moses told his father-in-law about everything the LORD had done to Pharaoh and the Egyptians for Israel's sake and about all the hardships they had met along the way and how the LORD had saved them.

Kind of like how Jehovah's Witnesses knock on my door to tell me "the good news". Except that I guess Moses could give him some kind of proof of what he said.

⁹ Jethro was delighted to hear about all the good things the LORD had done for Israel in rescuing them from the hand of the Egyptians. ¹⁰ He said, "Praise be to the LORD, who rescued you from the hand of the Egyptians and of Pharaoh, and who rescued the people from the hand of the Egyptians. ¹¹ Now I know that the LORD is greater than all other gods, for he did this to those who had treated Israel arrogantly." ¹² Then Jethro, Moses' father-in-law, brought a burnt offering and other sacrifices to God, and Aaron came with all the elders of Israel to eat bread with Moses' father-in-law in the presence of God.

"Now I know that the LORD is greater than all other gods, for he did this to those who had treated Israel arrogantly.": more evidence that the Bible is written as if there were more than one God. Now if God was loving and caring, I repeat that there would be no evil from the start instead of having to punish people.

¹³ The next day Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening. ¹⁴ When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, "What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning till evening?"

That's a good question I guess.

¹⁵ Moses answered him, "Because the people come to me to seek God's will. ¹⁶ Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God's decrees and laws."

Yeah let's live in a theocracy! NO!!! Even when you consult a priest to settle your matters you're not doing the best thing you could. Priests will just give you stock answers, while you could think about your problems on your own (using your brain) or talk about it to a trusted friend or parent (using their brains).

¹⁷ Moses' father-in-law replied, "What you are doing is not good. ¹⁸ You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. ¹⁹ Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people's representative before God and bring their disputes to him. ²⁰ Teach them the decrees and laws, and show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform. ²¹ But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. ²² Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. ²³ If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied."

I would have so many comments to make, but I'll keep the most important. Why doesn't God himself make sure all his laws are kept? He could also be the one who punishes bad people so that justice is truly served always (humans are not omnipresent and don't know everything). Most importantly, why doesn't God put the knowledge of these laws directly in our minds from birth? We could still choose to do right and wrong (which I thought was the purpose of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil).

²⁴ Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything he said. ²⁵ He chose capable men from all Israel and made them leaders of the people, officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. ²⁶ They served as judges for the people at all times. The difficult cases they brought to Moses, but the simple ones they decided themselves.

What I mean is, even Moses could be wrong about some stuff. Only God should judge over the people, since he's the most capable and there should be no limits to his power (except for always needing to rest on the seventh day) so that should be part of his job.

²⁷ Then Moses sent his father-in-law on his way, and Jethro returned to his own country.

Glad to hear such good news about Moses' wife and sons... Wait we didn't hear anything about them did we?

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 18:3 Gershom sounds like the Hebrew for an alien there .
b. Exodus 18:4 Eliezer means my God is helper .

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 17

Hey asshole, they're just asking; people need water to live!

³ But the people were thirsty for water there, and they grumbled against Moses. They said, "Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and our children and livestock die of thirst?"

Never mind me protecting them when they return to that same routine. Don't they realize that the LORD always provides for them?

⁴ Then Moses cried out to the LORD, "What am I to do with these people? They are almost ready to stone me."

Just about damn time I get stoned too!

⁵ The LORD answered Moses, "Walk on ahead of the people. Take with you some of the elders of Israel and take in your hand the staff with which you struck the Nile, and go. ⁶ I will stand there before you by the rock at Horeb. Strike the rock, and water will come out of it for the people to drink." So Moses did this in the sight of the elders of Israel. ⁷ And he called the place Massah ^[a] and Meribah ^[b] because the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the LORD saying, "Is the LORD among us or not?"

No they did not say that. They just asked for water and if they don't know by now that the LORD is with them, I guess they never will.

The Amalekites Defeated

⁸ The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. ⁹ Moses said to Joshua, "Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands."

After all, they do have a large army of 600 000 men.

¹⁰ So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. ¹¹ As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. ¹² When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. ¹³ So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.

What kind of stupid shit is that? This has become quite literally a puzzle game: "How are you going to keep Moses' hand up for so long? Remember, you have only 3 lives left!"

¹⁴ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it, because I will completely blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven."

Because as we know, something written on a piece of paper with no outside evidence to back it up is solid proof.

¹⁵ Moses built an altar and called it The LORD is my Banner. ¹⁶ He said, "For hands were lifted up to the throne of the LORD. The ^[c] LORD will be at war against the Amalekites from generation to generation."

So if I point my hands up I'm physically pointing at something that is up there or what? But seriously, if I believed in a loving God, he wouldn't be one to enforce wars. He would make sure of peace everywhere. A God like that obviously doesn't exist just by looking at our real world.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 17:7 Massah means testing .
b. Exodus 17:7 Meribah means quarreling .
c. Exodus 17:16 Or "Because a hand was against the throne of the LORD , the

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 16

Oh these characters, how I hate them! I mean really. If you can't see why, I don't know what to say, but I just don't believe any humans experiencing what they supposedly went through would act like that.

⁴ Then the LORD said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions. ⁵ On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days."

Well not much of a test. Basically you provide and they gather and on the sixth day they get more. OK.

⁶ So Moses and Aaron said to all the Israelites, "In the evening you will know that it was the LORD who brought you out of Egypt, ⁷ and in the morning you will see the glory of the LORD, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we, that you should grumble against us?" ⁸ Moses also said, "You will know that it was the LORD when he gives you meat to eat in the evening and all the bread you want in the morning, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we? You are not grumbling against us, but against the LORD."

I mean, everybody should know that it was the LORD by then. I have good reasons not to believe in God, because none of this is proven and they don't happen anymore. If I was really living at the time seeing these miracles, I would already be a strong believer. But seriously, something sounds pretty bad in this passage: "Who are we? You are not grumbling against us, but against the LORD." That's like saying that priests and religious figures should not be criticized, because indirectly you're criticizing the LORD. Nobody is safe from criticism, including me, and religious figures have no right to use their magical unproven invisible friend to protect themselves.

⁹ Then Moses told Aaron, "Say to the entire Israelite community, 'Come before the LORD, for he has heard your grumbling.' "

I would be surprised if he hadn't, because first he hears everything and second they ALWAYS grumble.

¹⁰ While Aaron was speaking to the whole Israelite community, they looked toward the desert, and there was the glory of the LORD appearing in the cloud.

If the LORD appeared to me and all the people around me in the clouds, that would be pretty convincing.

¹¹ The LORD said to Moses, ¹² "I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites. Tell them, 'At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am the LORD your God.' "

He could speak to his people directly though, instead of always using Moses. This is what a prophet looks like to me. A funny looking guy all alone hearing voice in his head and telling you what to do from what these voices told him.

¹³ That evening quail came and covered the camp, and in the morning there was a layer of dew around the camp. ¹⁴ When the dew was gone, thin flakes like frost on the ground appeared on the desert floor. ¹⁵ When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, "What is it?" For they did not know what it was.
Moses said to them, "It is the bread the LORD has given you to eat. ¹⁶ This is what the LORD has commanded: 'Each one is to gather as much as he needs. Take an omer ^[a] for each person you have in your tent.' "

First, why is the LORD still pulling these magic tricks the same way a magician would. Second, doesn't he know that leaving food like that to angry hungry people with no enforced directions could get really bad? I mean, the whole thing about the Bible is that humans are these evil beings unworthy of the LORD's love.

¹⁷ The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little. ¹⁸ And when they measured it by the omer, he who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little. Each one gathered as much as he needed.

Well I'm surprised, so I guess the people passed the test then, right?

¹⁹ Then Moses said to them, "No one is to keep any of it until morning."

Anyway they're hungry, so that should not be a problem.

²⁰ However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell. So Moses was angry with them.

Once again, I don't believe these characters. Of course, I know that some people wouldn't listen to Moses, but they were hungry so law enforcement or not they would have eaten. On the other hand, if their bread was already like this in the morning, how good was it in the first place? (And Moses is angry, beware Moses, that's a deadly sin!)

²¹ Each morning everyone gathered as much as he needed, and when the sun grew hot, it melted away. ²² On the sixth day, they gathered twice as much—two omers ^[b] for each person—and the leaders of the community came and reported this to Moses. ²³ He said to them, "This is what the LORD commanded: 'Tomorrow is to be a day of rest, a holy Sabbath to the LORD. So bake what you want to bake and boil what you want to boil. Save whatever is left and keep it until morning.' "

I think I found a major limitation in God's powers. You realize that he created everything in six days and took a rest on the seventh day? You also realize that he created food for six days straight with a little boost on the sixth day only to rest again on the seventh day? I think he weakens after creating for six days, that's when you should strike!

²⁴ So they saved it until morning, as Moses commanded, and it did not stink or get maggots in it. ²⁵ "Eat it today," Moses said, "because today is a Sabbath to the LORD. You will not find any of it on the ground today. ²⁶ Six days you are to gather it, but on the seventh day, the Sabbath, there will not be any."

Of course, a good question could be "why?", but you won't get an answer in this book.

²⁷ Nevertheless, some of the people went out on the seventh day to gather it, but they found none. ²⁸ Then the LORD said to Moses, "How long will you ^[c] refuse to keep my commands and my instructions? ²⁹ Bear in mind that the LORD has given you the Sabbath; that is why on the sixth day he gives you bread for two days. Everyone is to stay where he is on the seventh day; no one is to go out." ³⁰ So the people rested on the seventh day.

Well first of all Mr. Moses, satisfying our sense of curiosity doesn't seem like such a bad thing. Secondly, since you never explain the reason behind anything some people don't understand. Finally, what if some people want to keep steady work all the week instead of working more on the sixth day? That looks like just about the same thing to me (of course, I'm all for not working on a select couple of days, but here the LORD is forcing them to work more on the sixth day, because he doesn't want to do anything on the seventh).

³¹ The people of Israel called the bread manna. ^[d] It was white like coriander seed and tasted like wafers made with honey. ³² Moses said, "This is what the LORD has commanded: 'Take an omer of manna and keep it for the generations to come, so they can see the bread I gave you to eat in the desert when I brought you out of Egypt.' "

Is this bread still here to see? I'd like to see some bread that would still be white and good after all those years.

³³ So Moses said to Aaron, "Take a jar and put an omer of manna in it. Then place it before the LORD to be kept for the generations to come."

OK, so it's still here, right?

³⁴ As the LORD commanded Moses, Aaron put the manna in front of the Testimony, that it might be kept. ³⁵ The Israelites ate manna forty years, until they came to a land that was settled; they ate manna until they reached the border of Canaan.

They were either very inefficient or that story is bogus (more likely), because it doesn't even take months to travel between Egypt and Canaan. The only way I could explain that is if they went to several regions before Canaan and stayed there for a while (I don't think so, the Bible would probably have written something about that and I believe there could have been wars) or they had to wait until all the people in Canaan left for some unexplained reason (but also not very likely).

³⁶ (An omer is one tenth of an ephah.)

The logical next question is: what is an ephah?

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 16:16 That is, probably about 2 quarts (about 2 liters also in verses 18, 32, 33 and 36
b. Exodus 16:22 That is, probably about 4 quarts (about 4.5 liters)
c. Exodus 16:28 The Hebrew is plural.
d. Exodus 16:31 Manna means What is it? (see verse 15).

Saturday, August 14, 2010

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 15

That's new, a song! But seriously, they're singing a song praising a murderer...

² The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
my father's God, and I will exalt him.

God is NOT your ONLY strength (in fact I'd argue that he's not even part of the equation) and just because he is God is not a reason to still praise him after he has done such evil acts.

³ The LORD is a warrior;
the LORD is his name.

Yes, he is indeed a warrior, which is totally the opposite of what I'd say of a loving caring God.

⁴ Pharaoh's chariots and his army
he has hurled into the sea.
The best of Pharaoh's officers
are drowned in the Red Sea. ^[a]

There's stating the facts and then there's being proud of something which you shouldn't be proud of.

⁵ The deep waters have covered them;
they sank to the depths like a stone.

Well technically I don't think they sank at the bottom of the water since they were already at the bottom (on the ground).

⁶ "Your right hand, O LORD,
was majestic in power.
Your right hand, O LORD,
shattered the enemy.

Yes I know, the guy kills people with his own hands. He's a cold blooded murderer. Are you really worshipping him? Do you realize how creepy it would be to sing that today? (I have to be careful, because some people might actually sing that in Christian camps or something like that.)

⁷ In the greatness of your majesty
you threw down those who opposed you.
You unleashed your burning anger;
it consumed them like stubble.

As you know, they opposed him mostly so long because he himself made them oppose him.

⁸ By the blast of your nostrils
the waters piled up.
The surging waters stood firm like a wall;
the deep waters congealed in the heart of the sea.

Nostrils, right hand, they're mostly the same you know.

⁹ "The enemy boasted,
'I will pursue, I will overtake them.
I will divide the spoils;
I will gorge myself on them.
I will draw my sword
and my hand will destroy them.'

Yeah, after God himself made them say that. Don't act like their free will was respected (by the same God who's supposed to care so much about your free will according to believers).

¹⁰ But you blew with your breath,
and the sea covered them.
They sank like lead
in the mighty waters.

Can you picture a believer singing that to his child to send him to sleep? The Bible, "holy" book of war!

¹¹ "Who among the gods is like you, O LORD ?
Who is like you—
majestic in holiness,
awesome in glory,
working wonders?

But there's only one God right? In fact, let's cut the crap. We've seen more than one instance of this book contradicting itself and I'm just getting tired that believers don't even read their Bible to see how what they believe has nothing to do with their "holy" book or that they spin it every way they can to make it work. (If they have to do that, then it's either a bad book or a bad God. Let's not forget that he's not real too.)

¹² You stretched out your right hand
and the earth swallowed them.

Can you see how crazy people like Fred Phelps are right to believe what they believe as Christians? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they're right, I'm saying if you're a Christian and not like Fred Phelps, you're taking your "holy" book too lightly (and I actually appreciate that).

¹³ "In your unfailing love you will lead
the people you have redeemed.
In your strength you will guide them
to your holy dwelling.

Yes, love...

¹⁴ The nations will hear and tremble;
anguish will grip the people of Philistia.

Hahaha, only in the Bible can you follow a verse talking about the loving God with one talking about fear and anguish caused by that same Being.

¹⁵ The chiefs of Edom will be terrified,
the leaders of Moab will be seized with trembling,
the people ^[b] of Canaan will melt away;

Seriously, talking about Edom, I don't find that we learned enough about the guy. In fact, he would have been a more major focus than Jacob in my book.

¹⁶ terror and dread will fall upon them.
By the power of your arm
they will be as still as a stone—
until your people pass by, O LORD,
until the people you bought ^[c] pass by.

"[...] until the people you bought pass by.": I certainly hope the right word is "created" instead of "bought". They also say "purchased" in the King James version. I agree though that believers are slaves, slaves to their own conception that they made up in their own brain.

¹⁷ You will bring them in and plant them
on the mountain of your inheritance—
the place, O LORD, you made for your dwelling,
the sanctuary, O Lord, your hands established.

Yes, continue establishing that some place on this planet is destined to a certain group of people, divinely chosen I might add. It certainly won't lead to any violent territory war later.

¹⁸ The LORD will reign
for ever and ever."

Yeah, just like Zeus and all the gods of dead religions (though I hear that a small group of people still believe in these gods, but we still can safely call them dead). Belief in this particular God is slowly becoming less common. (Belief in a religion over another is simply unfounded and silly by all means when we know that other religions before our current ones had the same type of proofs and are dead now.) I agree that it's still a strong religion (though nearly no one believes in the Christian God as he is described in this book), but in many decades it will certainly fade out as we understand more of our world with science. (The United States is one of the countries which still seem to have a lot of trouble accepting scientific facts contradicting the Bible.)

¹⁹ When Pharaoh's horses, chariots and horsemen ^[d] went into the sea, the LORD brought the waters of the sea back over them, but the Israelites walked through the sea on dry ground. ²⁰ Then Miriam the prophetess, Aaron's sister, took a tambourine in her hand, and all the women followed her, with tambourines and dancing. ²¹ Miriam sang to them:
"Sing to the LORD,
for he is highly exalted.
The horse and its rider
he has hurled into the sea."

I think the song is really bad and immoral, nothing more to say by now.

The Waters of Marah and Elim

²² Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the Desert of Shur. For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water. ²³ When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter. (That is why the place is called Marah. ^[e] ) ²⁴ So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, "What are we to drink?"

What about your own piss? Ha ha, I'm just kidding!

²⁵ Then Moses cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became sweet.
There the LORD made a decree and a law for them, and there he tested them. ²⁶ He said, "If you listen carefully to the voice of the LORD your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD, who heals you."

I'm not going to comment on the first bit, it's magic like usual. But what about the LORD who heals you? First it tells you that if you're sick, you're being punished by God. I'm certain that some people anyone would say are good Christians are not healed by the LORD and I'm not just talking about old people. I'm talking about kids dying of cancer. And also, that part about God not giving you sickness if you respect all of his laws is bad. It contradicts what we've found about bacterium and viruses (which you can actually prove with microscopes and medicine) and it's one of the foundations for the belief in faith healing (which should work if this is true; it's not). I know God is only talking about the sickness he gave Pharaoh and his people in this particular verse, but it gets worse in other books of the Bible. Faith healing is a scam and some faith healers have actually been shown to be lying, to be entirely dishonest. They will take your money and your condition risks becoming worse if it's a serious condition that absolutely needs medicine. There was a case about a child dying of a treatable disease (diabetes) because her parents believed that faith would heal her if it was God's will. It's evil, I have no other words. (But I'll say this, if you truly believe in this book, then why do you rely on medical science? Then again, I want you to rely on medical science for your own good.)

²⁷ Then they came to Elim, where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there near the water.

Yep, that's a neat place isn't it? Hey, if God always does magic and he has already made his presence known to these people, why won't he just teleport them to safety? Hasn't he put them through enough tests anyway?

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 15:4 Hebrew Yam Suph; that is, Sea of Reeds; also in verse 22
b. Exodus 15:15 Or rulers
c. Exodus 15:16 Or created
d. Exodus 15:19 Or charioteers
e. Exodus 15:23 Marah means bitter .

Friday, August 13, 2010

Discovering Religion (YouTube video series)

Believers, watch this. It's not offensive (at least not intentionally) and doesn't use "bad words", it's just a smart series (not mine) exploring the various views of the world within religion itself and how they conflict or apply to scientific discoveries. It also explores what might be the dangers of holding a belief that's unproven or even disproven. But this is not a series dedicated to converting you (anyway it's impossible if you don't want), but it might help you choose or evaluate your position assuming you're open to other ideas.

This is the first episode. Click here for the playlist.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 14

What the fuck? I don't even know how to comment this anymore. There's just been no reason for the LORD to harden Pharaoh's heart for a long time, some could even argue from the very beginning, but now what is he looking for? The fucking Hebrew people are fucking out of Egypt now.

⁵ When the king of Egypt was told that the people had fled, Pharaoh and his officials changed their minds about them and said, "What have we done? We have let the Israelites go and have lost their services!" ⁶ So he had his chariot made ready and took his army with him. ⁷ He took six hundred of the best chariots, along with all the other chariots of Egypt, with officers over all of them. ⁸ The LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh king of Egypt, so that he pursued the Israelites, who were marching out boldly. ⁹ The Egyptians—all Pharaoh's horses and chariots, horsemen ^[a] and troops—pursued the Israelites and overtook them as they camped by the sea near Pi Hahiroth, opposite Baal Zephon.

It's a sad black comedy I tell you.

¹⁰ As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the LORD. ¹¹ They said to Moses, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? ¹² Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"

OK, I don't like Pharaoh obviously because he was the one to propose slavery, even without that whole deal about the LORD hardening his heart. I don't like the LORD obviously because he enjoys making innocent people suffer and in a way he's practicing slavery with his own people. I have few opinions about Moses, but certainly nothing positive. And the Hebrew people, in this book (as in not in reality), are pictured as dumb fuckers who just don't know what they want. A real life version of a lost sheep.

¹³ Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. ¹⁴ The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Yeah, deliverance, but at what cost? Remember that the last time, the LORD killed all the firstborns in Egypt and for no reason, he asked of his people to kill the firstborn males so that their own firstborn sons would be redeemed. What's it going to be this time?

¹⁵ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. ¹⁶ Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground. ¹⁷ I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they will go in after them. And I will gain glory through Pharaoh and all his army, through his chariots and his horsemen. ¹⁸ The Egyptians will know that I am the LORD when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen."

That's it, I think I understand. Another way to interpret this, with the rest of the book of Exodus so far, is to say that God enjoyed punishing guilty and innocent people just to prove that he could and to make his existence known to all Egyptians so that they would fear him. The Perfect Being everyone! (And for some reason, he's never happy. I repeat, the Perfect Being everyone!)

¹⁹ Then the angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel's army, withdrew and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them, ²⁰ coming between the armies of Egypt and Israel. Throughout the night the cloud brought darkness to the one side and light to the other side; so neither went near the other all night long.

At least God made his presence known at the time. I still can't believe people today can't realize that in the Bible, they don't just say God exists. God is there right near his people and he does stuff. Moses has no faith, he sees and talks with God. I'm not saying God existed at the time, I'm saying if he existed, we would still see that.

²¹ Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, ²² and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.

It makes for a great movie, I'll say that.

²³ The Egyptians pursued them, and all Pharaoh's horses and chariots and horsemen followed them into the sea. ²⁴ During the last watch of the night the LORD looked down from the pillar of fire and cloud at the Egyptian army and threw it into confusion. ²⁵ He made the wheels of their chariots come off ^[b] so that they had difficulty driving. And the Egyptians said, "Let's get away from the Israelites! The LORD is fighting for them against Egypt."

"The Egyptians pursued them, and all Pharaoh's horses and chariots and horsemen followed them into the sea.": yes, the same horses that were killed in the fifth plague I assume. "And the Egyptians said, 'Let's get away from the Israelites! The LORD is fighting for them against Egypt.'": took you quite a long time to figure that out. One would assume that God smiting you with 10 plagues would be enough to understand that the LORD is pissed off.

²⁶ Then the LORD said to Moses, "Stretch out your hand over the sea so that the waters may flow back over the Egyptians and their chariots and horsemen." ²⁷ Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and at daybreak the sea went back to its place. The Egyptians were fleeing toward ^[c] it, and the LORD swept them into the sea. ²⁸ The water flowed back and covered the chariots and horsemen—the entire army of Pharaoh that had followed the Israelites into the sea. Not one of them survived.

Christians, not fundamentalists, but somewhat light rational Christians, this infinitely great killer is what you supposedly believe in. How do you feel about that? I know you don't believe this, but I'm sorry to say once again that you don't believe in the same God that is described in the Bible, so on what are your beliefs based? (Christianity, if you understand how it works, is not supposed to exist without the Bible, without a "holy" book.)

²⁹ But the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left. ³⁰ That day the LORD saved Israel from the hands of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians lying dead on the shore. ³¹ And when the Israelites saw the great power the LORD displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the LORD and put their trust in him and in Moses his servant.

"That day the LORD saved Israel from the hands of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians lying dead on the shore.": of course, they were already saved long before that if the LORD hadn't hardened Pharaoh's heart so much. "And when the Israelites saw the great power the LORD displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the LORD and put their trust in him and in Moses his servant.": that's like putting your trust in a dictator because you fear him. Of course, to save my life I would probably obey a dictator's orders to some limits, but I wouldn't worship and love the guy for real; in fact I would hate him as much as you can hate someone.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 14:9 Or charioteers ; also in verses 17, 18, 23, 26 and 28
b. Exodus 14:25 Or He jammed the wheels of their chariots (see Samaritan Pentateuch, Septuagint and Syriac)
c. Exodus 14:27 Or from

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 13

Not the first or last time I say this, but WHY?

³ Then Moses said to the people, "Commemorate this day, the day you came out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery, because the LORD brought you out of it with a mighty hand. Eat nothing containing yeast. ⁴ Today, in the month of Abib, you are leaving. ⁵ When the LORD brings you into the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Hivites and Jebusites—the land he swore to your forefathers to give you, a land flowing with milk and honey—you are to observe this ceremony in this month: ⁶ For seven days eat bread made without yeast and on the seventh day hold a festival to the LORD. ⁷ Eat unleavened bread during those seven days; nothing with yeast in it is to be seen among you, nor shall any yeast be seen anywhere within your borders. ⁸ On that day tell your son, 'I do this because of what the LORD did for me when I came out of Egypt.' ⁹ This observance will be for you like a sign on your hand and a reminder on your forehead that the law of the LORD is to be on your lips. For the LORD brought you out of Egypt with his mighty hand. ¹⁰ You must keep this ordinance at the appointed time year after year.

Seems like God is abusing his powers here. The government has more legal power than you, but you know what we call a government that commands you to do some things against your will unless you want to be punished? That's right, we call that a dictatorship and people don't like that. But God is outside of time and space; our human laws don't apply to him... BULLSHIT!! (Of course I agree our laws don't apply to him, he doesn't exist.)

¹¹ "After the LORD brings you into the land of the Canaanites and gives it to you, as he promised on oath to you and your forefathers, ¹² you are to give over to the LORD the first offspring of every womb. All the firstborn males of your livestock belong to the LORD. ¹³ Redeem with a lamb every firstborn donkey, but if you do not redeem it, break its neck. Redeem every firstborn among your sons.

The LORD always gives you something only to take back more. Don't deal with that guy; it's like selling your soul to the devil! Unless you're a woman, he doesn't seem to care about females.

¹⁴ "In days to come, when your son asks you, 'What does this mean?' say to him, 'With a mighty hand the LORD brought us out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. ¹⁵ When Pharaoh stubbornly refused to let us go, the LORD killed every firstborn in Egypt, both man and animal. This is why I sacrifice to the LORD the first male offspring of every womb and redeem each of my firstborn sons.' ¹⁶ And it will be like a sign on your hand and a symbol on your forehead that the LORD brought us out of Egypt with his mighty hand."

"When Pharaoh stubbornly refused to let us go, the LORD killed every firstborn in Egypt, both man and animal.": which was fucking evil, because Pharaoh's heart was specifically hardened by the LORD himself so that he wouldn't let them go. Also other people in Egypt were innocent. Also firstborns in particular had nothing to do with it. Finally, animals just have nothing to do with politics and human society, not that I'm a vegetarian or working for animal rights, but they were the most innocent in that story. They couldn't do anything to prevent their fate (then again, nobody could). "This is why I sacrifice to the LORD the first male offspring of every womb and redeem each of my firstborn sons.": no! This just makes no sense. That's no reason. The LORD is demanding the sacrifice of human beings (one could badly argue that it was to redeem other human beings, but that's no excuse) just to remember that he just killed all Egyptian firstborns or something like that. That's fucking evil once again and it serves no purpose. I question the logic of that verse more than anything. I'll say it out loud (or write it out loud): CHRISTIANS, THE GOD YOU BELIEVE IN DOESN'T EXIST IF NOT FOR THE BIBLE, YET THE GOD YOU BELIEVE IN IS NOT THE GOD OF THE BIBLE, THEREFORE THERE'S NO BASIS FOR THE GOD IN WHICH YOU BELIEVE RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING, WITHOUT EVEN INVOKING SCIENCE.

Crossing the Sea

¹⁷ When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." ¹⁸ So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. ^[a] The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle.

"If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.": not if that's against your will, you know. You're God after all. "The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle. ": so why not go to war then? You have a single army of 600 000 men walking together, armed and ready for battle.

¹⁹ Moses took the bones of Joseph with him because Joseph had made the sons of Israel swear an oath. He had said, "God will surely come to your aid, and then you must carry my bones up with you from this place." ^[b]

Well, I've got to say, that's quite a lot of effort, but still nice. How many years ago did Joseph die? A couple hundred years I guess. I just wonder why nobody got out of Egypt to bury Joseph in the proper place before that. There was a time when people weren't even slaves long before Moses. And once the famine ended, the Hebrew people certainly could have gotten out, at least to bury Joseph.

²⁰ After leaving Succoth they camped at Etham on the edge of the desert. ²¹ By day the LORD went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night. ²² Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people.

Sometimes, I'm led to believe that God is nothing else than what people named certain natural phenomenon that seemed too hard to explain without science at the time. Clouds, volcanoes, lightning, rain, etc..

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 13:18 Hebrew Yam Suph; that is, Sea of Reeds
b. Exodus 13:19 See Gen. 50:25.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

An atheist riffs on the Bible (New International Version): Exodus 12

Regular paragraphs are the verses as written in the Bible.
Indented italicized paragraphs feature my comments on the previous paragraph.
Note that I might appear especially nitpicky and I know that some of these verses are not taken literally by everybody; I'm just having some fun basically.
Why the New International Version or NIV? Why not? The Bible has already been translated countless times before and I can't read or speak the original languages in which it was written, which is why it is stupid in the first place to assume that a divine being would communicate with us through a book.

New International Version

Exodus 12

The Passover

¹ The LORD said to Moses and Aaron in Egypt, ² "This month is to be for you the first month, the first month of your year. ³ Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb ^[a] for his family, one for each household. ⁴ If any household is too small for a whole lamb, they must share one with their nearest neighbor, having taken into account the number of people there are. You are to determine the amount of lamb needed in accordance with what each person will eat. ⁵ The animals you choose must be year-old males without defect, and you may take them from the sheep or the goats. ⁶ Take care of them until the fourteenth day of the month, when all the people of the community of Israel must slaughter them at twilight. ⁷ Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs. ⁸ That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast. ⁹ Do not eat the meat raw or cooked in water, but roast it over the fire—head, legs and inner parts. ¹⁰ Do not leave any of it till morning; if some is left till morning, you must burn it. ¹¹ This is how you are to eat it: with your cloak tucked into your belt, your sandals on your feet and your staff in your hand. Eat it in haste; it is the LORD's Passover.

Damn, Passover sucks! But most importantly, why? OK, to be fair there's a dumb explanation coming right up, but I'm glad Jewish people don't celebrate Passover that way in the modern world (at least I hope none of them do).

¹² "On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn—both men and animals—and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the LORD. ¹³ The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt.

"[...]and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt.": do these gods exist? Who are they? Where did they come from assuming that everybody emerged from Adam and Eve who themselves knew only one God? "The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt. ": see, I told you that was a dumb explanation. Wouldn't God know his people from the Egyptians without blood? After all, he's God. He knew the difference between the Hebrews and the Egyptians with the previous plagues anyway.

¹⁴ "This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD -a lasting ordinance. ¹⁵ For seven days you are to eat bread made without yeast. On the first day remove the yeast from your houses, for whoever eats anything with yeast in it from the first day through the seventh must be cut off from Israel. ¹⁶ On the first day hold a sacred assembly, and another one on the seventh day. Do no work at all on these days, except to prepare food for everyone to eat—that is all you may do.

We're back to the most basic question: WHY? And I don't see Christians practicing Passover, generally speaking. Let me quote this book: "This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD -a lasting ordinance."

¹⁷ "Celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread, because it was on this very day that I brought your divisions out of Egypt. Celebrate this day as a lasting ordinance for the generations to come. ¹⁸ In the first month you are to eat bread made without yeast, from the evening of the fourteenth day until the evening of the twenty-first day. ¹⁹ For seven days no yeast is to be found in your houses. And whoever eats anything with yeast in it must be cut off from the community of Israel, whether he is an alien or native-born. ²⁰ Eat nothing made with yeast. Wherever you live, you must eat unleavened bread."

OK, I think we get it. Yeast is fucking bad. It's all tradition, to remember a time when the Israelites had to make haste in preparing their food during the night, before leaving Egypt, but couldn't they prepare the bread with yeast in advance? Anyway, tradition serves no purpose if you can't find a good reason to pursue it. I have nothing against the "don't work" rule, it's good for everybody to relax once in a while, but the "no yeast" rule won't serve anybody.

²¹ Then Moses summoned all the elders of Israel and said to them, "Go at once and select the animals for your families and slaughter the Passover lamb. ²² Take a bunch of hyssop, dip it into the blood in the basin and put some of the blood on the top and on both sides of the doorframe. Not one of you shall go out the door of his house until morning. ²³ When the LORD goes through the land to strike down the Egyptians, he will see the blood on the top and sides of the doorframe and will pass over that doorway, and he will not permit the destroyer to enter your houses and strike you down.

The destroyer, is that a supervillain?

²⁴ "Obey these instructions as a lasting ordinance for you and your descendants. ²⁵ When you enter the land that the LORD will give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. ²⁶ And when your children ask you, 'What does this ceremony mean to you?' ²⁷ then tell them, 'It is the Passover sacrifice to the LORD, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.' " Then the people bowed down and worshiped. ²⁸ The Israelites did just what the LORD commanded Moses and Aaron.

But it's very hard to celebrate a holiday with no reason when all you have to say is: "Well, the grandfather of the father of the grandfather of the grandfather of the father of the grandfather of [...] my father was freed from Egypt that way, so that's what it means to me." That would be impossible first, because except for what's written in the Bible that you have to accept under faith, nobody could look at his ancestors and find a point where that could apply. And secondly, when we're talking about something that happened so long ago (if it happened at all), to people you never knew, it wouldn't mean anything to you.

²⁹ At midnight the LORD struck down all the firstborn in Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh, who sat on the throne, to the firstborn of the prisoner, who was in the dungeon, and the firstborn of all the livestock as well. ³⁰ Pharaoh and all his officials and all the Egyptians got up during the night, and there was loud wailing in Egypt, for there was not a house without someone dead.

So all houses in Egypt with no exception have a firstborn in them? I'm kind of surprise that there are livestocks (well not really, but that just makes no sense according to the Bible itself). Everyone currently living in my home is not a firstborn, it's not that rare for a house to not contain a firstborn; it happens.

The Exodus

³¹ During the night Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron and said, "Up! Leave my people, you and the Israelites! Go, worship the LORD as you have requested. ³² Take your flocks and herds, as you have said, and go. And also bless me."

Do you know why Pharaoh is letting them go? Not because he just learned his lesson from having his firstborn killed, but because God is no longer hardening his heart magically. All God wanted to do was enough time to show a couple of his magic tricks at the expense of real lives.

³³ The Egyptians urged the people to hurry and leave the country. "For otherwise," they said, "we will all die!" ³⁴ So the people took their dough before the yeast was added, and carried it on their shoulders in kneading troughs wrapped in clothing. ³⁵ The Israelites did as Moses instructed and asked the Egyptians for articles of silver and gold and for clothing. ³⁶ The LORD had made the Egyptians favorably disposed toward the people, and they gave them what they asked for; so they plundered the Egyptians.

You're not plundering if they're giving you was you asked for willingly (or at least as willingly as the LORD permits them to). So if I understand correctly, the LORD manipulates people to be able to punish them several times and then he manipulates them one last time so that they can get things of value stolen by their enemies.

³⁷ The Israelites journeyed from Rameses to Succoth. There were about six hundred thousand men on foot, besides women and children. ³⁸ Many other people went up with them, as well as large droves of livestock, both flocks and herds. ³⁹ With the dough they had brought from Egypt, they baked cakes of unleavened bread. The dough was without yeast because they had been driven out of Egypt and did not have time to prepare food for themselves.

"There were about six hundred thousand men on foot, besides women and children.": that's not a small number folks. I don't know how many generations have passed, but it couldn't have been that many. Considering that they started with a population of about 70 and that they're now 600 000 people if we only count men, I don't see how that's possible; especially if we also consider that women don't always have that many children in this book, unlike our grandmothers who might have had 20 children of their own. And such a large group going out of Egypt at the same time would practically be impossible to control. Even more interesting is the fact that Egyptians were known to keep records of events and people going in and out of their country at the time, especially if it was such a large group and such a significant event. No Egyptian records contain any reference backing up any of the stories of Exodus. "The dough was without yeast because they had been driven out of Egypt and did not have time to prepare food for themselves.": yeah, it's not like anybody knew in advance that would happen. Oh wait...

⁴⁰ Now the length of time the Israelite people lived in Egypt ^[b] was 430 years. ⁴¹ At the end of the 430 years, to the very day, all the LORD's divisions left Egypt. ⁴² Because the LORD kept vigil that night to bring them out of Egypt, on this night all the Israelites are to keep vigil to honor the LORD for the generations to come.

"Now the length of time the Israelite people lived in Egypt was 430 years.": not if you read Genesis 15! It was supposed to be 400 years according to the prophecy in that book, but I'm willing to accept that it might have been just a quicker way to say it, rather than saying directly 430 years. But now this raises an important question. Let's say that the true number of years they stayed in Egypt was 430 years, in order to give them the most time possible, would you believe that the population went from 70 to 600 000? You have to if you believe the book.

Passover Restrictions

⁴³ The LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "These are the regulations for the Passover:
"No foreigner is to eat of it. ⁴⁴ Any slave you have bought may eat of it after you have circumcised him, ⁴⁵ but a temporary resident and a hired worker may not eat of it.

Once again, the LORD showing that he only cares about one people, unlike what people will say. Once again the LORD not speaking against slavery, even acknowledging it, unlike what people will say. Once again, the LORD making a huge deal out of circumcision, which I can only guess most believers wouldn't think is that important (even if they'd probably prefer to be circumcised just in case).

⁴⁶ "It must be eaten inside one house; take none of the meat outside the house. Do not break any of the bones. ⁴⁷ The whole community of Israel must celebrate it.

The Bible is more about restrictions and removing your freedom than giving you freedom from what I see.

⁴⁸ "An alien living among you who wants to celebrate the LORD's Passover must have all the males in his household circumcised; then he may take part like one born in the land. No uncircumcised male may eat of it. ⁴⁹ The same law applies to the native-born and to the alien living among you."

If you have dinner for me, but tell me that I must cut off my foreskin before eating any of it, I think I'd pass over. (Ha ha, clever joke! Not!)

⁵⁰ All the Israelites did just what the LORD had commanded Moses and Aaron. ⁵¹ And on that very day the LORD brought the Israelites out of Egypt by their divisions.

At least, the LORD has done something good (freeing people from slavery, even though they themselves can buy slaves), even if he did it in the most evil way possible.

Footnotes:

a. Exodus 12:3 The Hebrew word can mean lamb or kid ; also in verse 4.
b. Exodus 12:40 Masoretic Text; Samaritan Pentateuch and Septuagint Egypt and Canaan